Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself