She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
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