she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We left an ass print on the piano.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
