My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
