we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize