Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
