genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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