Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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