So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
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There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
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Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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