I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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