return my video game
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
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Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
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Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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