Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
