Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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