Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
