Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
