i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
