Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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