I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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