Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
