theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You were trust falling into bushes
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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