Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
