Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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