i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
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Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
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my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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