so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
