I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She said her name was "party"
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
