I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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