I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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