I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
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Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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