Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
