i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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