at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
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did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
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I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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