you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
