"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
People in love make me want to vomit
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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