I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
