the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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