I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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