his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
