he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
