Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
