please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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