I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
