goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
