GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize