I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
