I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he fucked my hip out of place.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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