Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
