you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
