We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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