You just made me feel so damn special
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels