Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
