my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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