Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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