He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
