I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
