Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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