She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
