it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
