My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
