Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
