OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
