just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
