Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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